Proof texting

This might be a new word for you. Proof texting is finding a scripture or scriptures that at first appearance would support your position on a given subject. However upon close examination of the scripture within the Biblical context it has a completely different meaning. This is an old joke but worth telling to illustrate proof texting. "Once there was a man who was extremely depressed. One night alone in a hotel room he decided to pick up the Bible in the night stand and read a few verses since he had once heard that the Bible holds all the answers to the problems of this world. He opens the Bible to the verse which said, 'Judas went out and hung himself.' Thinking this couldn't be all the insight he open the Bible again to the verse which said, 'Go and do likewise.' Becoming a bit frantic the man decided to open the Bible once again and read, 'What you have to do, do so quickly.' Probably many pastors and laypeople have done proof texting innocently. It becomes a problem and a very big one when used to manipulate. Beware of the pastor who uses this repeatedly. Just remember just because a person quotes a lot of scripture in a message doesn't mean that their point is valid. You need to check out their scripture references in light of the contextual meaning. Image credits: http://toyadams.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/homiletic-manifesto-stop-proof-texting/

Is my Pastor a Bully (Part 2)

As we discussed in part 1 - if your pastor shows several of these characteristics they might be a bully. Here are some additional characteristics of a bully. Is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually knowledgeably) about anything they choose. Serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity. Displays a compulsive need to criticize whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence. Shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn’t flow and arguments that don’t hold water. Flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you’ve never had a proper conversation. Refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer. Is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability. Undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully’s mask. Is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them. Is quick to discredit and neutralize anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or idiopathic behaviors. May pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps using others’ resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and organizations in pursuance of the vendetta. Is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account. Gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to. Is highly manipulative, especially of people’s perceptions and emotions. (eg guilt) Poisons peoples’ minds by manipulating their perceptions when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others. Responds with impatience, irritability and aggression. Is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all. Often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behavior and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others. Is spiritually dead although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation. Is mean-spirited , officious, and often unbelievably petty. Is mean, stingy, and financially untrustworthy. Is greedy, selfish, a parasite and a emotional vampire. Is always a taker and *never a giver. [Note from Danni: On this one I would say, never a giver unless there is a hidden motive of manipulation to gain.] Is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness). Often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus Often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself. Knows the words but not the song. Is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication. Sometimes displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committeeaholic* or apparent workaholic." Text for this post comes from: http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/

Is my Pastor a Bully? (part 1)

As strange as it may seem some pastors use bullying techniques to establish more control over their flock. Check out these selected items from http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/is-your-pastor-a-serial-bully/. You could be dealing with a bully if your pastor is...... Is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment Has a Jekyll and Hyde nature – is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature – only the current target of the serial bully’s aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as “charming” and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as “evil”; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act. Excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive. Uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy). Is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form – but there’s no substance. Is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmaneuver most people in verbal interaction, especially at times of conflict. Is often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic. Relies on mimicry, repetition and regurgitation to convince others that he or she is both a “normal” human being and a tough dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon. Is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly. Cannot be trusted or relied upon. Fails to fulfill commitments. Is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old. Is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy. (More in the next post.) Image credit: "http://www.recordstar.com/news/article_d5093ab2-5268-11e1-a950-001871e3ce6c.html".

Are You in a Spiritually Abusive Church?

This have been a topic for concern for many reader out there. I will add little commentary because this article speaks for itself. Cult-watcher Ronald Enroth exposes the six manipulative tools some church leaders use to control their flocks. BY DR. RONALD ENROTH Is your church spiritually abusive? According to cult-watcher Dr. Ronald Enroth in his just-released book Churches That Abuse, controlling, authoritarian church leaders have a grip on countless congregations all over the world. How can you recognize abusive tendencies when they surface? Enroth points to six key characteristics of abusive churches. Read about them in this excerpt from Churches That Abuse: Dependency Abusive churches foster unhealthy forms of dependency, spiritually and otherwise, by focusing on themes of submission and obedience to those in authority. They create the impression that people just aren't going to find their way through life's maze without a lot of firm directives from those at the top. They promote what former Great Commission International member Jerry MacDonald calls a form of "learned helplessness." He writes: "Remarkably, many intelligent Christians actually enjoy being told what to do. In GCI churches, people seek the elders for permission to go home and see their parents or friends, and to inquire for how long they may stay; they go to them for permission to go to a party with unbelievers..." The disquieting truth is that many Christians do indeed fall into the trap of authoritarianism because of an inclination toward the black and white mentality that abusive churches cater to. If you have the type of personality that is drawn toward groups that offer wrap-around security and solutions to all your problems, you are vulnerable to spiritual abuse. Legalism The discerning Christian must also be aware of the trap of legalism. Preoccupation with keeping Christian rules enhances guilt feelings in members, and it acts as an effective control mechanism for power abusers. "Legalism is never corrective church discipline. For legalism pulls us away from following Christ toward another gospel, another gospel that says the cross is not enough." Isolationism Another quality that can lead to abusive behavior in a church is the tendency toward isolationism, a conscious effort to limit input from outside the church-in other words, information control. Beware of the church where outside speakers are consistently denied access to the pulpit, and where other Christian churches are regularly denounced, belittled, or ridiculed. It is my opinion, based on extensive research and informal observation, that authoritarian leaders are ecclesiastical loners. That is, they do not function well or willingly in the context of systematic checks and balances. They are fiercely independent and refuse to be part of a structure of accountability. To put it crudely, they operate a one-man (or one-woman) spiritual show. Discipline Another sign of impending trouble in a church is an obsession with discipline and excommunication. Beware of churches that warn of certain doom if you leave their "covering," or if you "break covenant." Once banished from the group, little compassion is shown the wayward one. An overwhelming majority of the ex-members I have interviewed expressed the opinion that abusive leaders are cold, almost cruel, in the treatment of people who leave-whether that departure was voluntary or involuntary. Disrupted Family Relationships A sure sign that a church is headed for the fringe is when family relationships are significantly disrupted and the leadership encourages the severing of ties with relatives outside of the group. "Be prepared to switch your loyalty from your natural family to God's family," advises Marie Kolasinski of the Body of Christ Fellowship. "Those blood ties are filthy rags unto God. So if you are experiencing great upheaval in your well-ordered natural family, BE OF GOOD CHEER." When a Christian is asked to sacrifice family relationships for church loyalty, it's time to bail out. Surveillance When a church institutes a surveillance system and encourages its members to keep close tabs on one another, it's time to look for another church. A former member of the Boston Movement describes a scenario common to most abusive churches. "Everyone's Christian life was under scrutiny by someone, assigned by some level of authority; each member was confronted with observed faults, issued counsel, and followed up; each was encouraged to know the true state of his own soul, its sins and weaknesses, and to confess these openly and honestly to others who have ministry and authority over him." Image credit: http://www.whitbyforum.com/2013/08/from-angst-to-actionpreventing.html

Hebrews 13:17 - Obey Me or Else?

The following is another example of scripture that has been often used as a hammer by an abusive pastor. Obey me because I am the authority. Nothing can be further from the Biblical truth. This excerpt is by Jason Young. Image credits: http://www.cultwatch.com/howcultswork.html A scripture commonly used to justify abusive control and authoritarianism by the leaders of some churches is Hebrews 13:17 that instructs believers to, “Obey those who rule over you…” These leaders think that this means they have blanket authority over the flock entrusted to them and that they can proceed to take control over the personal lives and personal faith of believers. The word obey in this passage literally means “to be persuaded by”1 in the original text. Nothing in this verse gives church leadership unrestrained control over the lives of others. Instead it teaches believers to consider the example set by truly loving, God-fearing, servant-leaders that lead us to Christ. In short, those that wish to act as dictators are not fulfilling a calling of God but are instead elevating themselves into a position to serve their own self-interests and ambitions. They step outside of biblical teachings for the purpose of fulfilling their desires to control the lives of others. Some of the greatest leaders in the Bible – Paul, Peter, John and even Jesus Himself – explicitly taught against those that wish to “lord” over believers. Ironically, those that claim “authority” themselves reject genuine authority – that of the scriptures and of the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Red Flag of Disassociation

This post comes from a reader of 39 Lashes Blog who has relayed a story of their own church experience. "A few short months ago our church hired a new pastor. The majority of the congregation was thrilled. The new pastor was exciting to listen to and at first was very well liked. One of the very first actions he suggested was to disassociate from our denominational association. He made some valid points and the Board went along with this recommendation. His suggestion was to keep this disassociation quiet. Once that disassociation was completed the pastor began to implement his plan of manipulation. He began to lie, corrupt the scriptures, and to systematically force out those members that he perceived to be a threat to his personal agenda. His strong-arm techniques, tactics of intimidation, and gospel of secrecy has been disguised to many in the congregation by his Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde personality. Since our church is disassociated with our former denomination there is no accountability. Our Board is in crisis and the church is hurting. Please don't use my name or the name of my church since I fear for my friends who are still attending. I am providing my personal experience to 39 Lashes blog as a warning. Don't allow your church to disassociate with its denomination without very good reasons." Image credit - http://www.examiner.com

Are you being silenced?

Is the leadership of your church attempting to silence you? Do you have concerns that are not being addresses without you jumping through many hoops if at all? Does your church distort the meaning of Matthew 18:15-17? (See my earlier post on the meaning of Matthew 18:15-17.) Do you hear words such as "good report", "evil report"? Does your leadership add to the scripture to make their own point? If you answered yes to these questions you might be dealing with a church that has been patterned after the teaching and style of Bill Gothard. Recovering Grace has many good reads about Gothard and his teachings. http://www.recoveringgrace.org/2014/03/silencing-the-lambs-twisting-matthew-18/

Manipulation and the Pastor

The following is an excerpt from an article by Dr. Jim Meyer. I am hopeful it will give the reader some insight concerning a manipulating pastor. ............................... Ask yourself: is my pastor teaching what God’s Word really says … or what he wants it to say? Second, the pastor needs to preach the entirety of Scripture. When I was ordained, I was charged with preaching “the whole counsel of God.” The phrase comes from Paul’s words to the Ephesian elders in Acts 20:27. Paul told his friends, “While I was with you, I never held back the Word of God” (NIV). The phrase is usually taken to mean, “Preach everything that’s in the Bible … whether popular or unpopular.” If a pastor is truly called by God to preach the whole counsel of God, that pastor will eventually have to preach on controversial issues. Here’s why: the Bible speaks to most of these issues, either through direct commands or general principles. If a pastor teaches what Scripture says about these issues, then his people can penetrate the culture with biblical arguments. But if the pastor fails to teach what Scripture says, then his people may adopt the mindset of the culture by default. If a pastor routinely sidesteps controversial issues to avoid conflict inside his church, he’ll cultivate a congregation that’s biblically ignorant and cannot intellligently converse with those outside the church. Ask yourself: is my pastor dealing with tough issues biblically, or is he sidestepping controversy to be popular? Third, the pastor must give credit for materials he’s borrowed from others. I once heard a pastor do a long series on an issue he knew little about … and the more I heard him preach, the more convinced I was that he was “borrowing” his information from another source. In fact, I was pretty sure I knew who that source was. My dilemma: if I did the research, and found out my hunch was right, what was I supposed to do with that information? Confront the pastor? Take it to the board? In my case, I decided not to do the research … but plagiarism is a serious matter, especially in Christian circles. It is unethical for a pastor to take someone else’s quotation … or story … or sermon … and pass it off as his own without acknowledging his source. In fact, it’s not just borrowing … it’s stealing.

Covering for an abusive, controlling pastor

So far my post have been directed to individual members of the church. This post is directed at the leadership, the elders, the deacons, or whatever your local church's ruling body is called. Everyone in a church leadership role should ask themselves the questions presented in the article found below if they even remotely think that they may be dealing with an abusive, controlling pastor. http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/news_notes/covering_abusive_Pastor.php Image credit: http://www.incourage.me/2010/09/hush-baby.html

Control-Oriented Leadership

Have you heard the phrase, "This is non-negotiable"? When your pastor or church leader repeats this phrase over and over concerning different topics it should send up a red flag to you. "A central feature of an abusive church is control-oriented leadership. The leader in an abusive church is dogmatic, self- confident, arrogant, and the spiritual focal point in the lives of his followers. The leader assumes he is more spiritually in tune with God than anyone else. He claims insight into Scripture that no one else has. Or, he may state that he receives personal revelations from God. Because of such claims, the leader's position and beliefs cannot be questioned; his statements are final. To members of this type of church or group, questioning the leader is the equivalent of questioning God. Although the leader may not come out and state this fact, this attitude is clearly seen by the treatment of those who dare to question or challenge the leader. The leader of the movement often makes personal decisions for his followers. Individual thinking is prohibited; thus the followers become dependent on the leader." Patrick Zukeran